Barack O'Kennedy...

Barack Obama has drawn several John F. Kennedy comparisons. Here are a couple:

1. Flattering.
2. Not so much.

(I'm about to break the world record for rampant speculation and asinine statements, all to delight conspiracy theorists.)

The Obama Experiment began when Kennedy's boredom (later termed Tom Brady Syndrome) reached its zenith. Why was Kennedy bored? Rockstar status in the world. Hot wife. Marilyn Monroe singing "Happy Birthday" to him. Beating out an established politician (this time Vice President Richard Nixon) for president as a younger, less experienced senator. (Sound familiar?)

Barack Obama was "born" Aug. 4, 1961. JFK "died" Nov. 22, 1963. This was when the Civil Rights Movement began to take off. Living with Tom Brady Syndrome prompted JFK to become a risk-taker, and just before his "assassination" he decided to undertake the ultimate challenge, winning president as a black man. Therefore, it is no coincidence that JFK's presidency aligns with the Civil Rights Movement.

In addition to leveling the field for an entire race, the long term effects would allow for minorities (women, blacks, Hispanics, etc...) to more successfully infiltrate the politcal arena, thus allowing things to come full circle when O'Kennedy selects Hillary Clinton as his vice presidential candidate.

I can't spill all of my secrets, but I'll just say this: JFK graduated from Harvard. Obama went to Harvard Law School. Think that might be some unfinished business on JFK's part? Also, assuming O'Kennedy wins the election and is elected to a second term, the second term would end months before JFK's 100th birthday (May 29, 2017), which just happens to fall on Memorial Day when he'll be celebrating the biggest "Gotcha!" in world history.

Don't be surprised in November if/when O'Kennedy wins and, being caught up in the moment, he jerks off his mask (a la pro wrestling) and shouts "YES! I DID IT!"

You read it here first.

Open the floodgates

I'm down in Brownsville, Texas, which is about five minutes from the U.S./Mexico border, and it's kind of interesting to be at the nexus of such a big issue.

If you look at census distributions of the Hispanic population since the 1960s, you'll find that its rate of expansion is more rapid than any other. So...

Uncle Sam, I'm calling B.S

The U.S. is supposed to have this pre-eminent security. How the hell could such a large number of people infiltrate the country at generally predictable locations? This has to be one of the most hypocritical issues I've come across. Does anyone remember the British/American imperialism during the 1700s and 1800s? Was all of that land legally attained? Not to say that once one learns better, one shouldn't do better, but come on.

The border issue is an issue because the U.S. never thought it would become an issue. Our suits in Washington D.C. covered their eyes while people crossed the border. They did so because they believed these individuals' educational limitations and unfamiliarity with English would force them to take below-average jobs that, to be honest, most Americans (even those with similar education levels) believe they are too good to take.

But there's no way the government would devalue a segment of the population...